Watch Out for Burning Objects: Deviant Behavior of Cancer Stick Suckers—Part I

When a tree falls in the forest, does it make any noise? Why are manhole covers round? Or to paraphrase one of the questions asked during the Jewish holiday of Passover: “Why do we eat crappy, stale cardboard tasting unleavened bread on this night, while we eat tasty, fluffy, cholesterol-filled bread on all other nights?” (At least the Matzah is better than eating nothing during Yom Kipper—but at least on Yom Kipper, we get to eat lots of Chinese food as soon as the sun goes down).

Ah, these are life’s important questions. Not questions that I am going to undertake in this entry—but stay tuned. However, the question I do wish to address in this post is equally important:

Why can cancer-stick sucking morons throw their fucking burning cigarettes out the window with seemingly no consequences, while I get fined for littering for throwing my McDonald’s wrapper on the ground?

Now I am not advocating littering of any kind. I learned my lesson the hard way. And I will have much to say about the stupidity of smokers in future posts—how they are ruining the world not to mention my lungs. How their median IQ trails that of the general population by a wide margin. How the faster they all finish killing themselves—preferably before they procreate—how much better the world will be. We’ll get to all of that later. But in the meantime, if you do smoke, I FORBID you from reading my blog. You are not intelligent enough to understand the concepts we cover here. Go away. Here is a link for you: www.iamastoopididiot.com.

But today, I just want to focus on the littering. When did it become acceptable behavior to throw cigarette butts on the ground? I must have missed the memo. Because it definitely isn’t acceptable to throw anything else on the ground. The only possible explanation I can think of is that because cigarette butts are smaller in size than other litter, it must be OK. This is the kind of shoddy logic I would expect from low IQ cancer stick suckers. The way I see it, cigarettes are among the worst things that people could throw on the ground. First of all, they are on fire. That doesn’t sound very safe. Further, while I do not portend to know the relative biodegradability of cigarettes vs. other pieces of litter, given all of the nasty poisons that are in cigarettes, I’m thinking that a cigarette butt must be less biodegradable than a simple paper hamburger wrapper. Maybe this wasn’t the case when McD’s used to serve the burgers in those cool Styrofoam eggshell cartons, but since they went green and switched to the wrappers, there is no doubt those wrappers are safer than the burning cancer sticks.

Yes, it is easier to catch someone throwing away a big wrapper than a small cancer stick, but we all need to unite to hold these morons accountable for their behavior. To that end, Grumpy would like to enlist your help in shaming these idiots into submission. We can do this by reporting these terrible criminals—to your local police, to your Congressman, or at least to this blog!

I will start: The other day I was at a stop light on Route 3A in Quincy, MA (the one after the bridge at the junction of 3A and Route 53), and the clown driving a white Dodge RAM pick up truck, MA Commercial license plate # F98112 threw a cigarette butt out the window.

A few days later, again in Quincy, on Newport Ave. at Constellation Ave., an unattractive brunette, late 30s, driving a Gray Toyota Corolla, MA license 5349 LY, committed a similar crime.

If you see infractions in your travels, please post the car, license plate number and location of the crime (as well as any physical description of the perpetrator) to this blog. Together we can get these dangerous people convicted.

Eventually—I am too lazy today—I will set up a separate site (http://www.cancerstickfuckers.com/ perhaps?) for you to turn people in. But in the meantime, please use the Grumpy MBA blog.

Moral: Cancer stick suckers are morons. So it should come as no surprise that they find it perfectly acceptable to throw their burning, smelly sticks out the windows of their cars. This is not acceptable behavior to be endured by a sophisticated society. Just like it is our responsibility to report the suspicious behavior of terrorists to the TSA at the airport, it is OUR responsibility to report these clowns too. Join Grumpy MBA’s army (unofficial endorsement by Smokey the Bear) and report them to this blog and your local law enforcement.